reality has been hitting

me as of late.
just a lot of different realizations about this world,
it is a beautiful place inhabited by beautiful people that do ugly things.
i feel for the most part i play as the conscience in my settings,
my coworkers smoke so many cigarettes its insane,
its gone from that to drinking and smoking herb on shifts.
i've hit a point where i really can't relate to present day humans anymore
at least not in my age bracket.
i've had losses in this past year, and i refuse to numb myself with substance.
my whole reasoning for taking a break from music, it really has held me back
I did somewhat have a hope for an overnite success, nothing major but
something beneficial. i put too many hours into the craft when i could have been studying
i made a mistake by putting music before school. and i've reached a point where i just want
to get school done as quickly as possible. cuz truth be told i know I can excel much more
than the folks that are steps ahead of me atm. when i said people do ugly things, it also applies
to hip hop, its hard to try and deliver a positive message when the majority of people representing
the art are drug dealers, drug users, and promoters of ignorant behavior.
i feel like a runaway jew at a nazi dinner party, its just not my place. as much as i'd like to make
an impact and have the masses alter the ways, its a wasted effort on my part.
the state of hip hop its just.... its just not for me right now at all, i dont fit in,
my sound doesnt fit in with any listeners anyways. ive found that the only people
who appreciate what i make are music makers themselves.
so in my time off, i might still perform if the situation arises
but im not gonna go out of my way to let people know
those who care will show, and thats also something ive learned this year.
i tried to promote peace and love but it only appeals to a couple people.
ive completely lost my love for rap, "theres no love lost" but this is far out
of my reach. eventually something will spark in me again so till then
im dipping into other music, and through that i'll reinvent my own sound.
im also thinking of a slogan, because when i do return to this i want to empower the listeners
i havent decided what emotion it will be but regardless i will pull everyone in together.
its been a whole year, interesting to say the least.
a year that i've been promoting myself "solo"
it was this time last year that i dropped
143's is heartbreaking
and 2 months later
Supershooter
and 2 months after that
No Love Lost
ugh... i have such a bittersweet relationship with no love lost and what it means to me.
i just need to meet another artist i can share it with and they can show me something worse.
i'll continue this on later,
im gonna sleep.
--mizery--