from then till now

well i did one of these posts a while back
i felt like doing another.


its gonna be a year now,
so basically how things worked owt,

I made No Love Lost and lost my mind (almost literal)
i was an empty shell, i didnt know what to do with myself anymore

i lost my nina
my family started fueding
i lost the only person that talked to me
that girl.

I lost my passion for the music cuz i emptied my whole soul into that project
honestly i had the highest hopes in the world for No Love Lost
because it was my everything, it was my way to get back to her

i didnt have a single doubt in my mind that it was it
hundreds of free cd's that i gave out

i think most of all that project was just a cry for love
i wanted somebody to reassure me and let me know
everything was going to be okay
but that never came
people here and there complimented it
but it wasnt what i was looking for,
until May last year i met up with a friend that i hadnt seen
since we graduated from 8th grade
i gave her a copy
and later that day she texted me explaining how she felt about it
and she understood it completely
she gave me the feedback that i always wanted deep down
immediately i believed in myself again

i entered a next to blow hip hop contest in june
and the judges went bananas
i didnt win, the winners were these destinys child doubles lol

so many strangers were dapping me in that venue
the judges were showing me love after my performance

i believed again
then i booked at the Key Club's plush lounge

there i got that same love again
and i met a dude that manages artists

he saw it in me and was giving me beats
telling me the marketing plan
the goal was to have a digital album distributed early 2011
he was gonna set me up with interviews
let me cameo in music videos for the other artists he worked with

i wrote an entire mixtape to the slew of beats he gave me
recorded one song in his studio
i kept hitting him up to see when we could connect again
but he was occupied with a political campaign

the days turned to weeks
the weeks turned to months
and that opportunity was owt the window

the folks that put together the next to blow show
hit me up in november saying the judges loved my performance
and would like to know if i could perform again

the judges this time were label reps from def jam
interscope and konvict music

i put on my show then the judges asked me for my contact info
i gave him my name and number
the following day i was taking my mom to work
and i got one call from a number i didnt recognize

i dont know why i didnt answer or call back
that still boggles me till this day lol
all the what ifs
but eh
time to move forward
so on and so forth


on a sidenote
i dont have any friends lol
nobody ever hits me up anymore
i cant even remember the last time someone hit me up to hang

but i've always been alone
so itsaul gooood

tirsocruzhowdoyoudo